M is for ...

Lots of backdated updates.

2005-10-03T23:38:22Z

I know I haven't been updating this journal very often. I split off another journal to make it into my writing journal, and I've pretty much been throwing everything over there. Makes it easier to keep track of my friends. But I finally did move some of my Argentinean exploits over to this journal. Sarah wanted to see 'em, so I'll have to send her a link.

That's about it for now. I think I'm gonna hit the hay early tonight.

I'm Home!

2005-10-03T23:36:04Z

I have returned! *Trumpets blare in fanfare or maybe that was a kazoo* I finally had a good day in Argentina my last day there. I had so much fun just walking around the city on my own. I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I would have liked. But I have all the pictures in my head. The best thing I saw while I was there were the Tango dancers. A completely different type of street performer than I usually see. It was really inspiring.

The flight back was absolutely horrible. Delays, being surrounded by ten-year-olds for 11 hours, not sleeping, missing my connecting flight by 5 minutes after running through Dallas Airport. I was going to post this long bitchy diatribe, but I don't need to anymore. I made it back home, slept for 8 hours & I feel very relaxed now. I am just so happy to be home, and have the terrifying flying behind me. Well, at least until the next time I have to get on a plane.

Captain has been so happy to see me. He has been following me everywhere. Everytime I sit down I get a furry lap of cat. And while I was napping, he slept ON me, which he never does. He is such a cute kitten. I mean, how can I resist him?

It was strange coming back home. For the first time since I moved up from Florida, my apartment felt like home. My messy apartment. Illinois feels like home to me. This makes me so happy. Well, aside from the mess. Now, I'll have to spend tomorrow cleaning. or maybe just goofing off

So, I'm off to bed...again. I seem to be spending a lot of time in bed today and not even in the good way...get your mind out of the gutter

When there's a journey, you follow a star.
When there's an ocean, you sail from afar.
And for the broken heart, there is the sky.
And for tomorrow are those who can fly.
Only If - By Enya

I am WAAAAAY to giddy.

2005-10-03T23:34:24Z

I made it to the airport. I'm 45 minutes from getting on a plane back to the US. YIPPIE! I loved Argentina (well, this last day I loved it), but it will be very good to get back home. I never sleep very well in hotel beds.

I am able to get online because somehow I guessed (on my first try) a username and password for this airport wireless network. As a programmer, I know the usual username/pw we use, I just didn't think that this wireless network would use that too, so YAY for me. Didn't have to pay for wireless. And I get to read my f-list 'til I have to get on a plane for an 11 hour flight. Ugh. Oh well. Hopefully I can sleep thru this one, too.

So, yee haw yippie! Next time I'm back in communication with anyone I'll be in Dallas. Then on to Chicago! Sweet Home Chicago!
Ciao Argentina. Helloooooo USA.

EDIT: Oh FUCK! A group of about 20 ten-year-olds are going to be on my flight to Dallas. And now take-off has been delayed for at least an hour. There are entirely TOO MANY CHILDREN on this flight. Headphones on....music turned up...trying my best to ignore them. What did I do in a past life that was this horrible?

Final Day in Argentina

2005-10-03T23:32:56Z

I went walking in Buenos Aires this morning. Didn't have a lot more to do with the programmers I was down here training, so I took the morning off and went walking. I woke up at like 5am this morning. Around 7, I decided to go for a walk. I just walked around downtown Buenos Aires watching people, window shopping & taking in the sights. I liked that SO much better than a planned tour. Victor was going on a city tour this morning, and invited me to go along. I opted to go off on my own.

I tend to not like tours of anything. I like walking around and discovering stuff for myself. Even if I don't exactly know everything I'm looking at. I like to view stuff on my own and get my own impresssions. I'm like that at museums, too. When I went with Laura to see the Toulouse-Lautrec exhibit, there were SOOOOO many people that had the headphone tours, and they would look at the pieces for the same amount of time before they moved on to the next thing it told them to look at. But I stood in front of The Laundress for 10 solid minutes because I wanted to catch every nuance. I loved that painting, even though I had never seen it before that day. And when I had questions about the descriptions that accompanied the pictures (usually about the medium of the painting), I could ask Laura what it meant.

So, I walked in the morning, then went back to my hotel, took a shower, packed my bags and checked out. I left my bags there in storage. The car is picking me up at the hotel tonight to take me to the airport, so I'll get them then. After that, I went out shopping. I spent 3 hours shopping on Florida Avenue. There are a bunch of shops and center kiosks along this pedestrian road. I got gifts for myself, erin and mom. And a bunch of postcards that I'll send once I get back to the US.

It was a very relaxing morning. I enjoyed just being by myself and looking around a lot. And my spanish really wasn't that bad I guess. I was able to ask questions to shopkeepers & generally get by on my own. Was even able to order my own lunch. Granted, it was Foccaccia y coca cola. Easy enough words. But it felt pretty good being able to get by without someone to translate.

Dinner last night was tasty, but boring. I went out to eat with four people who all spoke Spanish and spent most of dinner just talking to each other. Occassionally someone would remember I was there and ask me a question in English. Talk for a couple of minutes, then go off on another tangent. I didn't really mind at the time. I was sleepy, and not really in a talkative mood. But the more I thought about it this morning, the more it annoyed me. Oh well. I had a really good Torte de muerte de ciocoletta (Death by chocolate cake that I'm not even sure I spelled correctly).

Overall, I liked this trip. I'm starting to get vaguely panicked because I have to get on a plane in less than 6 hours. It's going to be such a long flight. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep ths time. I have sleeping pills in my purse. If I get too freaked out by the plane, I'll take 'em. Even if they don't knock me out (which they don't always do), at least they should calm me down. I have to fly 11 hours to Dallas, then another 2 hours to Chicago. I'll just have to get there early enough to make sure that I do have an aisle seat.

Still unsure what to do about my dad's birthday, today. The ecard I sent bounced back to me. I don't think I had the right email address, and I have to wait 'til I get home to look it up in my other laptop. So, I'll just have to send him a card a day late. I'm still very unsure what I'm feeling about him right now. It makes me so crazy. Part of me wants back what we used to have. How we used to be able to talk...about anything. And the other half of me, keeps reminding me that he cheated on my mother, had a kid with the skank, treated my sister like shit, and basically told me he disowned me because of the lies the skank told him. It's been about 3 years, and I still can't talk to him about it. I only see him when absolutely necessary. Or when I feel to guilty about ignoring him. Every time I see him, it tears me up inside. I don't know how to work through this. I've just had it in a holding pattern since it happened. I think I will try to call him when I get back to the US.

Well, that's a kind of down way to end this journal entry. I have been so happy this morning, walking around Buenos Aires. I can't let him get me down. I just have to remember all the great things I've seen and done this week. I didn't take nearly as many pictures as I would have liked, but I have so many memories to try to comb through, and things I saw, so it's OK.

Argentina: Day 3

2005-10-03T23:30:05Z

So, worked again until 8pm last night. Keep working so late 'cause I'm trying to keep up with everything in Chicago as well as the training I'm doing here. Although, I don't know if my training is doing any good.

Maggi assured me that the programmers would have no problems with English. That my almost total lack of Spanish would be no issue. But I get here, and the programmers vaguely understand English, and speak a little, so I keep lecturing and showing them how to do things, even though I don't think they are sinking in. Arrrggghhh...and it's so frustrating because it's my lack. Can't speak spanish worth a damn. Like this morning, I went to exchange some US$ for AR Pesos. I got by OK, figured out that he needed to see my passport. But then he gave me a piece of blank paper and a pen. And eventually (with help from an english speaking employee), I figured out I needed to give my home address. GRRRR...I'm so pissed at myself for not speaking the language. I feel like such a ruddy tourist standing around asking everyone to repeat everything in English for me.

Went out to eat with the Company's director, Federico, last night. He took us to a restaurant called Caballerizo (or something vaguely like that - I just remember the root Caballero 'cause the restaurant was made to look like a stable). He said - It's a meat restaurant, but we looked at the menu before we went in, and I saw a grilled veggie plate, so I said it would be fine, no problem. So, we sit down to dinner, order starters, entrees & wine. For starters, they ordered me this melted cheese & herb thing that was just utterly fantastic...but oh so much cheese. Victor and Federico ordered starters of meat. It seemed really funny to me. We go to a restaurant where the main course would be meat, and they order meat starters. Well they had Churrizos (red sausage), a black sausage & a part of the cow that neither one was really sure of. I had Salmon Kabobs for dinner, and they were very tasty. The salmon was fresh & wasn't overcooked or chewy. And for dessert, I had a Tiramisu that was to DIE for. Couldn't eat but half of it, but oh yummy yummy yummy.

We three shared a bottle of Argentinian Merlot that I regretted drinking this morning. I woke up tasting and smelling Merlot everywhere. I swear, it was coming out my pores, and I only had 2 small glasses. Even after showering and brushing my teeth...it was still there. It took a few Altoids Gingers & some heavy gum to get rid of the taste. Ugh. Think I'm going to stick to white wines. I like the taste much better.

I'm frustrated with myself and with the situation down here. I just want this trip to be over with already. It will be after tomorrow. Then this whole Argentinian programmer fiasco can be Maggi's problem. I know I'm upset when I just want to pass off a problem to someone else. But I don't know what else to do. It's the 4th day down here, and I still feel like I wasn't any use. Had a meeting with the company we will be developing for, and the guy we met with didn't really know what projects they wanted developed any more than we know what our bosses are planning.

I'm also depressed because tomorrow is dad's 50th birthday. I'm still not over everything he did. All of the lies and all of the hurt. Every time I went over to see grandma before I moved, and he was there, it just broke my heart. But 50th birthday is such a big thing. So, I will hide my hurt away and look it over another day. I have a present and a card to send to him when I get back to Chicago. I sent him an e-card from Hallmark today, so at least I can give him that. I'm still not sure how I feel about him actually. I just don't want him to feel hurt. I know that's a stupid and silly thing to feel guilty about when he tore apart the family the way he did...but I can't help it.

So, I tired and frustrated with Argentina. I guess it's just the situation we've been put in. Not really the country as a whole. That's the problem, I haven't been able to see much of where I am. Been stuck in this damn office 'til all hours. Keep getting conflicting instructions from two bosses. Don't speak the language. Don't know where anything is. Can't ask for directions. Keep getting lost in all these little streets. Rar! It's getting so I'm actually looking forward to the airplane tomorrow. At least I know that will mean I get to go home.

Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I wanna go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
And it's gone right to my head
Wherever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You can always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go HOME.

Argentina Saga: Day 2

2005-10-03T23:27:33Z

Backdated since I still have NO STINKING INTERNET IN MY HOTEL.

I know I am a usual mass of contradictions in my life. So, here comes another one. I think that not all men are scum. And I think this because my dinner companion was nothing but the utmost gentleman all night. None of the usual stupid things that guys do. And it could be that he was not attracted to me. Probably was, but here is the kicker. He was a complete gentleman the whole time. I'm used to if a guy isn't interested, he acts like a total arse to get me not to like him. And Victor spent all night ignoring my blatant flirting (I am a horrible flirt). And he was still absolutely wonderful dinner conversation. He listened to what I had to say. He made interesting points. He opened doors for me. He walked down the street looking out for me, walking between me and anything that was potentially harmful (like the crazy bum going thru trash and talking to himself, or even just the broken part of the sidewalk).

So maybe not all men are absolutely horrible. Maybe it's just the American men that are idiots (Victor is Peruvian). Or maybe it's just the American men I've been hanging out with. Gives me some hope that all men aren't destined to break my heart.

But ANYWAY...I had a wonderful dinner with Victor. We walked around a few blocks until we saw a restaurant that both of us thought looked good. They had a lot of different (and by different, I mean things that did not have beef in them) things to choose from. I had a MOST exquisite pumpkin ravioli with squash, eggplant & red peppers. It was all kinds of yummy. And I got the waiter to recommend a white wine to go with dinner. I'm in Argentina - I have to try some of the local wines. It was crisp without being too fruity or sweet, but not too dry. Damn, I wish I could remember what it was called. Oh well, I had a nice Argentinian wine with dinner. EDIT: Remembered the name of the restaurant after I went and looked at my online banking - Scuzi. Oh yeah, and I found out that dinner for two, including a bottle of wine, only cost me $17.66. Color me flabbergasted. I can't do currency conversions in my head (especially after half a bottle of wine). So that was a very nice surprise. END EDIT

Tomorrow, I am definitely going shopping. Just have to get out of the office before 8pm. Everything was closed by the time we got out of the office today. So, just have to take some time while I'm here and go earlier. Victor is going on a city tour on Friday morning, and said I should come along, but I think I'd rather go shopping and find some deals. Can get leather and silver cheap down here. I am such a shopping whore. I can't pass up the opportunity to shop (or even just browse).

Since I have no internet access at night, I'm able to concentrate on other things. I may just have the chance to *gasp* READ. I brought 3 new books with me on the trip, so maybe I can read one of those. Ahhhh. That's the one good thing about this time change...it may be hell in the morning, but to be 2 hours ahead is good at night. It may say 10:45 on the clock, but my body is still thinking 8:45! Hell, it doesn't matter, my sleep schedule has been so out of whack for the last month and a half, sometimes I fall asleep @ 8pm and wake up for good at 3am. And sometimes I'm up til 5am, and have to drag myself out of bed at 8am.

So, I'm off to start reading Wicked! Really want to read the book 'cause I want to go see the play while it's still in Chicago. Should be a lot of fun.

So, Adios, Buenas Noches y Hasta Manana!

In which I fly to Argentina and get really cranky...

2005-10-03T23:21:23Z

I wrote this really long pissy journal entry while I was sitting and waiting at the Miami Airport. I was going to post it when I got internet access again, but when I read it over again this morning, it was just me being WAAAAAY to cranky, so I deleted it.

Here is the story of my travels thus far:
Left Chicago for Miami @ 6pm - 3hr flight, should have arrived Miami @ 10pm (local time). As we were approaching Miami, started to see lightning. So, we end up landing through this horrible lightning storm, and then have to sit on the runway for over an hour because the lightning is so bad, other planes can't even pull away from the gates. So, I'm sitting out in the middle of a mostly empty area in a big metal lightning rod. The landing had already freaked me out enough. The only thing that could have been worse is if a clown with spiders decided to start running up and down the aisles. THEN all my fears would have been realized at once.

Eventually we got inside, and I had to book it across the ENTIRE length of the Miami airport. Landed @ terminal A, my connecting flight was leaving from terminal E. I knew the connecting flights were going to be delayed, but I didn't know by how much, so I finally made it over there, and found out that departure had been delayed from 11:15 to 12:20...that was fine, since there'd already been an hour delay on my end. By the time we made it on the plane, and they loaded the cargo, it was 2am.

However, I shouldn't really complain. I WAS ABLE TO SLEEP ON THE PLANE! And that is an understatement. I fell asleep before take off, vaguely woke up when we took off (yay! I'm usually so scared during take off and I didn't notice it!), and finally woke up about an hour outside Buenos Aires when the started serving breakfast. I think I slept through dinner and drinks. I vaguely remember waking up with the flight attendant asking me if I wanted chicken or pasta. But I was too out of it. I put on my new headphones (block out most of the surrounding noise), pulled the hood of my sweatshirt up and slept like the dead. I'm cramped and sore today...but I slept thru the horrible plane flight! YAY!

I had a car and driver waiting for me once I got my luggage and got thru immigration (YIPPIE - my passport now has a stamp!), there was a car and driver waiting for me! I don't think I was ever happier to see my name held up on a little sign. Yeah, I knew there was supposed to be someone waiting for me, but with delays, and my always expecting the worst, I thought I was going to have to find a taxi or something to get me to my hotel. But the driver was there, and terrified the hell out of me (apparently in Argentina it's OK to straddle 2 lanes and speed up so someone can't get in your lane).

Hotel seems to be fine. I've got a bed and that's about all I'm concerned about right now. When I got to the hotel and checked in, the first thing I did was take a shower. I felt so grubby. After the shower I felt more human, unpacked and walked down to the office. The office is like 2 blocks from my hotel, so that was nice. The only thing I don't like about the hotel is: no in-room internet access. They told my office's travel agent that there is interent access is in the business center. And I don't know yet if that's only thru THEIR systems, or if I can hook up my laptop. I'll see once I go back.

I probably won't do much exploring tonight. I am so exhausted right now that I can barely see straight (ha ha ha). It's 6pm here, but with the time change, it's only about 4pm in Chicago, so I shouldn't be THIS tired. Guess it's the sitting on a plane doing nothing that wears you out. But, tomorrow I am GOING SHOPPING! I am supposed to find a shrunken head for Laura and Arthur's new condo (although I don't know if I can find one in Argentina?!?), and a touristy Argentina shirt for my sister. She wants a tacky tourist shirt in spanish. And I need to pick up gifts for everyone else, too. How often am I going to get the chance to go shopping in Argentina? Yeah, so my car payment may be a little late this month...eh.

So, I will sign off on today's travelogue. Been OK so far...can only get better.

TTFN

All My Bags Are Packed...

2005-10-03T23:19:02Z

2.5 hrs until the cab comes to pick me up to take me to the airport. Not freaking out that much, surprisingly. I think I'm still pretty exhausted from helping Laura pack & move yesterday. 12 hours, but we got it done! My bags are packed and ready by the front door. I KNOW I've overpacked. I'm only going to be gone for a week...but I just keep thinking of things to add. In addition to all the long pants and sweaters I'm taking (ohhhh so cold. Winter in Argentina), I had to take a couple extra pairs of shoes. And my bathrobe, 'cause I can't get all snuggly warm without it. Had to go back and add my paper journal so I can keep track. And another book for the plane trip back. And some granola bars 'cause I can't get through the afternoon without 'em. And lots of other stuff I will probably not need. I could most likely just go back in and weed out half the stuff I have packed. But Oh well. What's done is done, and I'm not thinking about packing anymore.

I have a lot to read for the way down there 'cause I printed out a lot of the recs that were made to keep me entertained...as well as saving a few of 'em onto my laptop. But best of all are the list of recs that moonix made for me! She even wrote me a new piece that I'm not even looking at 'til i get on the plane. I can do this! Thanks to my Moony! hee hee hee.

This will be the first time I get to use my passport. Just got it last month! It's very surreal to me, thinking about traveling >5000 miles from where I am now. Lived in Florida all my life up until 3 months ago, when I moved north of Chicago, IL. Big change in climate, people, surroundings. Lots of stuff. It's all seemed very surreal. Like it wasn't really happening to me.

But the more I go out and explore what's around, the more it's sinking in. Like the trip to the Chicago Art Institute. It was so overwhelming so many beautiful pieces of art. Been to lots of museums before, but seeing things there that I'd never seen...never had a chance to see before made me realize how lucky I am to be up here. Just sitting in front of Seurat's Sunday on La Grande Jatte made me cry. It was so breathtaking, both in size and method. I have to go back and see it again when I'm not so rushed. (note: The Seurat painting is what I used for this icon - the main one for my journal. It focuses on my favorite figure in the painting - the young girl standing by herself holding the umbrella under the tree.)

Yeah, so I am rambling. I'm trying to avoid the dishes in the sink that I HAVE to get done before I leave. Hotel in Buenos Aires is supposed to have internet access. So, I'm going to try to post some stuff here when I can. I'm taking one of my cheesy little disposable cameras down with me (I know, it doesn't make sense-I have tons of up to the minute technology, but have yet to buy myself a digital camera.) If I get some good pics, I'll try to post 'em in here when I get back.

lttlmsmagc @ 2005-08-30T21:23:00

2005-08-31T02:36:05Z

i am SOOOO distracted. i just took a shower, and as i was getting out and putting wrapping my hair in a towel, i realized that i hadn't washed my hair. i had remembered to wash off and shave, but forgot the hair. ok, so i got back in the shower and washed my hair, then i was halfway through washing off again before i realized i was repeating myself. i will be very happy once this project i've been working on launches. just so i won't do something stupid again. laura keeps saving my ass. i can't concentrate anymore. maybe i'm just feeling poorly 'cause i'm getting over this cold. whatever the reason, i need to focus again. guess i should start meditating before i go to work again. have been sluffing off doing it in the morning 'cause i've been sleeping too late. but have to do it tomorrow...gotta regain some focus.
and i didn't do any laundry, so i'll have to wear something i have clean...or do laundry tomorrow before i go into the city for the event.
life isn't dull, but it isn't peaceful either!

-M (is for Messy)

you spent three days lying on a beach drinking rum?

2005-08-28T03:26:41Z

oh yum yum yum. i have invented a new drink. well, really i don't know if i have invented it, i just know i've never had it before. newman's own natural lemonade, captain morgan's spiced rum & grenadine. had something sorta like this when i lived w/ tree for the summer in tampa. except it was pink lemonade and coconut rum. but this tastes so fantastic. and now my glass is empty, so i will have to go make myself another one.

-M (is for Marvelous Drink)

You're WHAT? Tin roof...rusted

2005-08-26T03:04:16Z

found out some surprising news today. not only are nick and niki getting married the day before mom and dan. niki is PREGNANT. Thus the reason for moving the wedding up by nearly a year. my cousin has been captured by a ho. oh well, if it's what he wants. talked to gabe about it for a while tonight. he's not surprised by it. and he told me that nick hadn't even asked him anything about being in the wedding. i can't believe even nick is enough of a dick not to ask his own brother to be in the wedding. his own brother who has gotten his ass out of SOOOOOO much trouble. all i can say is nick had better get his head out of his ass and ask gabe to be in the wedding.

i emailed mom about the choice of wedding date. and she says she's not upset by it, but hell, for them to schedule the wedding the DAY before mom's wedding is in poor taste. but, if mom says it doesn't bother her, i'll take her at her word. mom told me her rehearsal is thursday night, so that's when the rehearsal dinner will be, so friday night would just be spent preparing, but now we get to go to the ho's wedding.
maybe i really am being to harsh on niki. but she has really not impressed me at all. she annoys me (for more reasons that i have room for here) and pisses the hell out of erin, and anyone who pisses erin off that much should just not be around. no one pisses my sister off without facing the consequences.
that is all i will say about my niki bashing for now.
when i was talking to gabe earlier, i told him he and erin have to come up and visit me. i miss the little wanker. he's always so entertaining. and since he's my little sister's wondertwin...that makes him my wonder-little brother. i'm really glad he's found a job. he told me he even got a $25 gift card reward for catching a shoplifter! damn, the king of thieves turning in one of his own. i'm so proud. i miss him, and erin so much. it was really great @ the family reunion, just being able to sit around with everyone and talk. hell, all the cousins haven't been together in the same location for probably 5 or 6 years. and the fact that all 12 of us were there, was great.
so, i'm off to try to sleep again. had a bloody awful day today with meeting after meeting this morning, then one of the servers had to be taken down. then the frame between miami and chicago went down 'cause of the hurricane in miami. just a horribly stressful day. so, now i try to get some sleep and not grind my teeth all night.

i muttered something underneath my breath
she studied the lines on my face
i must admit i felt a little uneasy
when she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe
tangled up in blue
-Dylan

-M (is for Matrimony)

of longing, lust and insomnia

2005-08-25T06:29:23Z

drove to wisconsin this evening to take jose to mar's cheese castle. john and maggi saw a piece about it on unwrapped on food network. i got a really yummy tomato/basil cheddar. the store wasn't really impressive. reminded me of the tourist stores in central florida that sell citrus and florida crap. i swear, everything in mar's had a cow on it. well, they had some green bay packers stuff, too...but even some of that had cows on it.
so, insomnia lets me sleep well only about one out of every four or five nights. and last night was my good night to sleep, so tonight, i am lying awake in bed staring at nothing in particular. none of my methods for falling asleep are working. meditation, medication and masterbation, none of my solutions work. i really wish i could fall asleep. been having very pleasant dreams once i do finally fall asleep. dreams that are nice to remember throughout the day. :) big grins remembering right now. but i digress.
and the worst thing about the insomnia is i know at least one of the things that is keeping me awake at night...stupid little crush on someone i don't even really know. damn, i thought i was over those. will i ever grow out of things like that? probably not ever. oh, well.
'the torch i bear is scorching me' - off to fantasize about my dream girl. hopefully to continue with my wonderful dreams.

-M (is for Madness)

Art Institute of Chicago

2005-08-21T19:46:14Z

i went to see the toulouse-lautrec exhibit at the art institute of chicago with laura yesterday. i am so exhausted from walking around yesterday, i don't even want to get out of bed. i was absolutely blown away. lautrec was already a favorite artist. but i realized after seeing the exhibition, i had never seen much of his work besides the poster work he did.

first off, the whole exhibit was a surprise because i didn't realize there would be nearly as many other artists featured. i love the whole time period of art then, so seeing such a huge collection of together was wonderful. seeing the impresssions of so many different artists of the same time period about the same subjects was great. there was so much to see.
secondly, i loved the portraiture work that lautrec did. after seeing the show, my two favorite pieces were both portraits:

portrait of Henri Nocq	nocq was a fellow artist and friend of lautrec's. there's just something about this portrait. the way nocq is looking back over his shoulder. the picture mesmerized me.
The Laundress	i loved this as soon as i saw it. a portrait not really of a certain person, but of a type. just the way that her shirt sticks to her, the way her skirt falls, the way she is leaning over the table supporting herself on her strong hands. i don't know really have the words to describe art, but this just had a profound impact on me.

we spent most of our time looking at the lautrec exhibit. after that, we wanted to see as much as we could in the hour before the museum was going to close.
two of the paintings that i loved, i liked for very different reasons:

The Portrait of Dorian Gray - Ivan Albright

this painting was creepy and and wonderful at the same time. ivan albright was a chicagoan who went to the art institute of chicago. this painting was done for a movie version of oscar wilde's a portait of dorian gray in the 50s sometime, i think. there is so much detail in the painting, that i'm sure does not come across in this picture. all of the detail on the body and in the background is stunning. even more detailed than the story ever went in to.

A Sunday on La Grande Jatte - Georges Seurat

i knew that i had to see this painting before i moved up to chicago. had always been one of my favorite paintings. loved the scene in ferris bueller where cameron is staring at the picture. but this painting has always been amazing to me. the fact that it is composed completely of points or small slashes of color. i knew the painting was large, but i wasn't prepared for how much space it took up. i was very glad there was room on the bench in front, i was tired from standing all day, and the impact this had on me would have knocked me down. it is beautifully idyllic. friends and families coming for a sunday afternoon by the river. there are so many different figures to focus on, that i could have stayed there for hours. the painting was so powerful, i found myself crying. not really sure why. i will have to come up with the words for those feelings later.

all in all, i think that was the best day i've had since i moved up here. i thank laura so much for making me get off my ass and go out to do something.

-M (is for Mesmerized)

i wanna be like silent bob

2005-08-20T06:05:55Z

yet another entry tonight. i spent earlier tonight uploading other thoughts i'd written, but hadn't had time to upload this week. and now, i'm writing 'cause i'm still awake. i know it's really not that late. only 12:30am. but i have been trying to fall asleep for 3 hours now. sleeping pills have no effect. so i figure if i can just pour out thoughts, i might be able to get some sleep.
just finished watching Dogma. still one of my all time favorite movies.
kevin smith may fill his movies with dick and fart jokes, but i happen to find dick and fart jokes funny. highly entertaining. also, i got to watch my most recent obsession: Alan Rickman. but, the movie also makes me think. about the nature of god and faith. and makes me wonder what do i have faith in anymore. i'm beginning to find some faith in myself, but that doesn't seem like much. i had faith in my family until my father royally fucked all that up. and now he's found god. isn't that ironic. but i don't want to start on a long harrangue about him. i'd be here all night. i was thinking about one of the lines from the movie about faith, something along the lines of faith is like a glass, when you're young, it's little and easy to fill, but when you grow up, the glass gets bigger and it's harder to fill. so, i just have to fill myself up with faith...in myself. twisted logic, that. dont' know if it actually makes sense.
so, maybe that was a bad choice of movie to try to fall asleep to. i think i'll put in the muppet movie. it's like a big warm hug. that movie always takes me back to when i was little. and obsessed with the muppets. not so much sesame street (though i watched that, too), but the muppet show. i loved that show. i wanted to be on that show when i was little. i wanted to be a guest. i could care less about their other guest stars. kermit the frog was my first hero. my parents nicknamed me scooter, but i always wanted to be miss piggy: she was in love with kermit, had great clothes, opera gloves, blonde hair & could kick ass. i think i still want to be miss piggy.
i just had a very furry pile of cat come and sit on my hands on top of my keyboard to remind me that it is time for me to be asleep. so, off i go to try to sleep...again. gotta get some rest. i'm meeting up with laura tomorrow, and we're going into the city to go to the museums! yay. i can't wait.

-M (is for Motherfuckin' nootch)

i think my tv has ADD

2005-08-18T01:35:52Z

so, yeah, I think my tv has ADD. it doesn't seem to stay on any one program for more than 5 minutes. maybe it's just me. i haven't felt much like watching tv since i was without it for a month an a half while the movers fucked my delivery. i still like watching movies...but i generally just pop a dvd in my laptop and watch it while i'm falling asleep. i've only sat through and watched 2 shows all the way thru since i got my tv back: entourage on HBO and coupling on bbcamerica. other than that, my tv is just the thing that sits in the corner. i think i like this much better than before i left florida when i was so addicted to tv.
a hot shower is the most wonderfully fantastic thing in the world. this weekend i took like 5 showers just because i could. i'm not worried about being dirty. dirt and sweat don't bother me at all. i love being in a hot shower, and feeling all my muscles relaxing. i have just found an addictive website: postsecret.com design & send in a postcard anonymously with your most secret of secrets, and the postcards get posted. some of them made me laugh out loud. and some of them were so sad. and some of them are exactly what is going through my head. maybe this just seems so appropriate because i'm getting tired of secrets. i'm getting so tired of trying to be something i'm not, and not be something that i AM. i really thought this move was going to completely freak me out, but i feel more like myself than i have in 5 years. i think something hard and unyielding inside me just broke, and i can feel all that pain just going away. like maybe it's ok for me to be who i am and fuck anyone who doesn't like it.
on another note, i am very happy to have some friends to put on my lj list. makes me feel like i'm connected to something when i'm sitting here in the dark pouring out all these thoughts onto the screen. oh, and i am sitting here in the dark because captain broke my bedroom lamp 4 days ago, and i havent' gone out to buy a new one yet. maybe i just like sitting here in the dark of my room the only light coming from my computer screen. dunno.
off to sleep for the night. trying to break the insomniac's curse. maria sent me the link to her dream journal on lj. i think that's a really cool thing, to record all the dreams (or lack of) you have every night. think i may try that in my paper journal so i can add illustrations. great idea!

-M (is for Manacles)

fuck fuck fuck...bloody sodding hell...damn...FUCK

2005-08-14T04:17:28Z

ok, so i shouldn't be allowed to operate heavy equipment when i'm drunk. like this laptop. i had a pretty good live journal entry going on. when i went to another window to check my mail (and had nothing in it - pout), i accidentally closed my live journal entry, too. arrrrggghhhh. you'd think for a computer programmer, i should be able to operate a computer while pissed. but then again, there was nothing brilliant in my previous post. just reminiscing about the past.
Go on go on just walk away go on go on your choice is made go on go on and disappear go on go on away from here. in between days. damn. so much of the cure reminds me of junior high and high school. can it really have been 10 years since i graduated? seems like just yesterday. i miss chris and adrienne and eric and andy-bob and corn and katie. we had so much fun. some of it was legal, but we always had a good time.
damn, i should have turned the light on in the kitchen to make that last drink. it has hit me hard. i should pay more attention when i'm mixing my drinks. tequila sunrise. don't need no hunch punch. anyone could get me good and drunk on OJ and tequila. grenadine optional if the party is lacking. beginning to enjoy the taste of tequila again, now that i don't associate it with john quite so much. frantic kisses on my bedroom floor that taste like jose cuervo. no, i don't remember that at all. well, ok, so i remember, it just doesn't plague my dreams anymore. he is behind, he is past. ahead is? who knows what. all i have are fantasies now. dreaming in red.
ok, so i am truly sloshed...gonna go read some more stories and pass out.

-M (is for most pleasantly pissed)

no sleep (aka my fight club life)

2005-08-10T17:04:51Z

i am melanie's utter exhaustion. yet another night with less sleep than the night before. insomnia is getting worse. 5th night in a row. less than 2 hrs sleep, and most of that was while i was snoozing through my alarm for an hour this morning. somehow, i don't think that 1 hour of sleeping for 9 minutes at a time can be termed 'restful sleep'. it's a vicious cycle. i am less productive during the day 'cause i am exhausted from not sleeping the night before. because i'm less productive, i go home at night and keep programming to catch up on stuff i didn't get done during the day. then i stay up way too late, and am tired in the morning. since it's hard to get going, i drink caffiene all day long. and drinking caffiene (and not eating) makes me jumpy, and won't let me sleep at night!!!! ok, so it's one big merry-go-round, but i'm not having fun. i will take jose's advice tonight, go home, not open my computer, drink half a bottle of wine and fall asleep on my couch watching tv. hopefully. gotta figure out something to break this cycle and help me get a good night's sleep. before i start going to self-help meetings and letting guys with bitch tits cry on me. or start blowing things up.
had a couple of good lucid dreams this morning as i was snoozing. maybe that's why i like snoozing...if i can fall back asleep that quickly, i know i'm asleep and can control my dreams. well, what was really odd about my dream this morning was that i was dreaming i was on a plane, and actually enjoying the flight. won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say that i think i wouldn't mind flying as much if i could get as well and truly snogged as in my dream this morning. wouldn't mind flying at all.
someone got a new ring tone around me. keeps playing william tell overture in a way that constantly reminds me of the scene in 'a clockwork orange' when he picks up the two girls @ the flea market and takes them back to his room. and the phone keeps ringing. so i keep snickering into my tea.
work is not going well this week. i can't pay attention, and there are continual problems with the servers in miami, which of course i am responsible for, just because my site is on that server. ARRRRRR! it's enough to make me want to hide under my desk and not come out all day. can't anything ever just work, and KEEP working?

-M (is for mayhem)

moved in feeling a little lost

2005-08-09T22:03:44Z

OK, so i shouldn't be updating my journal @ work. i know this. can't help it. can't think about work right now. need to get it down and out of my head. i am now on my 4th (i think) night of insomnia. can't sleep more than a couple hours a night. went to bed @ 10 last night because i was exhausted. but ended up back out of bed by 11 'cause i was tired of staring @ the ceiling. watched coupling (god i love bbc america), then found the big chill on demand. i know its not the most wholly uplifting movie, but it always makes me smile. all about friends. reminds me of my friends. OK, so then i got depressed.
i miss everyone. its not like i was the first one to move away, in fact, one of the last. sheri is married with a kid in NC. amanda and john are shortly to be married in SC. angela and dorothy bought a house in tampa! kristen is moving in with her girlfriend in DC. becca and karen have set up house together. jason now has (or will have shortly) his phd, and hes teaching college classes in michigan. kevin & jesse are happily (?) married. janeine has a kid. leigh & richard have ami and eli with more on the way. brian and tree have a house, they're remodeling, and brian has a new job. monique is still doing fine, she showed up @ bri and tree's anniversary pool party. still makes me smile.
and all my family is growing up! mom's getting remarried. erin moved to massachusetts. mike and shelly have two great kids & a new house. charlie and wendy bought a townhouse and both have big-shot jobs. dave is marrying his shy christina and getting a little girl in the process. kris has kyle, the world's smartest child. gabe is still gabe, but dating melissa has been very good for him. nick and nicki are engaged. leah is off saving the world from heathens like me. molly graduates high school next year.
erin just called me at work. she's driving to white plains so she can take the train into new york to go see conan o'brien tonight. i'm so jealous. but it's so great. she's getting out and doing stuff on her own. she's really a lot happier now that she has a car, and can go where she needs to, when she needs to. I remember how hard it was being in gainesville my first 2 years with no car.
but, back to the point at hand. i am exhausted. and i have been writing this journal entry for 8 hours now. guess i should wrap up and start again tomorrow.
because after all tomorrow is another day...
-M (is for missing you)